I insist my girlfriend wears a celebrity mask when we have sex

I insist my girlfriend wears a celebrity mask when we have sex

Understandably, she takes your fetishism as a personal affront and craves a different kind of intimacy

sexual healing

I can’t have sex with my girlfriend if she is not wearing a mask. Photograph: Rahel Patrasso/Xinhua Press/Corbis

I am a 23-year-old man and am obsessed with celebrity culture. Whenever I have sex with my girlfriend, I insist that she must wear a mask of one of the female celebrities who really turn me on, such as Billie Piper or Kimberley Walsh. My girlfriend isn’t too impressed with this, but goes along with it anyway. However, when she wants me to have sex with her when she is not wearing a mask, I don’t think I can, because I can only get turned on by the celebrities.

Fetishistic sexuality is essentially based on a neurological pattern that is similar to that of obsessive thinking about anything else, including the impetus for compulsive behaviour. Such a thinking style is a bit like a hiccup of the brain, and in your case it happens to be sexually expressed. Understandably, your girlfriend is taking your fetishism as a personal affront. As most women would in such circumstances, she feels objectified and craves a different kind of intimacy.

It is not unusual for couples to have different kinds of sexual interests, although many fail to achieve long-term compatibility. But other such couples find that negotiating to share the task of choosing a lovemaking style, so that each partner’s particular desires are met some of the time, helps to keep both partners satisfied. It is not that different from taking it in turns to choose which movie you are going to see. In other words, play fair!

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders

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