Where have my orgasms gone?
I never used to have trouble climaxing, but with my new boyfriend I no longer feel that rush of blood that I once did
I am a 56-year-old woman and previously had little trouble reaching climax. The first night I went to bed with my current boyfriend, I had an almighty orgasm. Since then, I always get aroused and vaginally moist, but no longer is there that rush of blood to the clitoris. I have been feeling very tired of late, so maybe that’s it. We are not in love, but we do care enormously about each other. Am I expecting too much?
Fatigue, stress, illness, depression and certain medications are just some of the reasons people may experience a lowered sense of arousal. Play detective with yourself and take steps to remedy whatever may be altering your sexual response. It’s possible that you’re experiencing some hormonal changes, so check that out. What you’re describing could also indicate physical health issues, so see a GP.
Most importantly, embark on a programme of looking after yourself more: resting, getting better sleep, and eating nutritious food. There is a strong link between exercise and sexual health, so work out and your sex life will benefit.
Sex is obviously very important to you, and you understand your body well – but what about your psyche? Our feelings can affect our sexual response, although it strikes me you may have learned to bypass them during sex. You made a point of saying you’re “not in love” – but do I detect some longing? Sometimes the best orgasms occur when our hearts are fully engaged.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist specialising in sexual disorders